Wedding homily

Rob and Jeannie are an example of how opposites attract. Early on, Jeannie stereotyped Rob as a full-of-himself, conservative southerner and didn’t give it much of a second thought. And somehow, from that Rob got the idea that she didn’t really like him, and while normally confident in all things dating, Rob shied away from pursuing his attraction to Jeannie. But overtime, the stars collided, or rather, ethics class was scheduled, and they began learning about each other not for their stereotypes and reputations, but for who they actually were. As they spent more and more time together, momentum grew and they fell in love.

For me, Rob and Jeannie are also a great example of how love changes the shape of how we believe and who we are as we grow, make concessions, and submit. I have seen Rob and Jeannie change as they have grown in love together. I am grateful because it means they are truly listening to the other, conceding their point for the sake of their partnership, and are willing to live into the challenge of being more Christ-like in their love. I am inspired because their relationship has shown that we don't have to always be right, but that there is a give and take in their relationship that honors the “us” before it honors the individual.

Sometimes after years of marriage we hear, "you're not the man I married." or "you're not the woman I made my vows to." In entering the compact of marriage, you have to be aware that you are not entering in to be married to the same person with all the same beliefs, mannerisms, and habits as either has today. To make it to your 50th anniversary, you have to be marrying the person you love, who you believe God has named as your partner, and know that he/she will grow, and change throughout the years. You may think, "but I don't want her to change." and, in many ways, that's wonderful, because it means you love her wholly as she is, but, at the same time, if she didn't change, it would mean she wasn't willing to listen, wasn't willing to hear your side or perspective, wasn’t willing to submit for the sake of your covenant together. And likewise, if Rob is the same person in 50 years, then it wouldn't be love that the two of you share, because love changes us, love draws us in, makes us better, challenges us to be more passionate, more forgiving, more understanding, and if we don't become any of those things in a way that more resembles Christ in the years of marriage, then we have failed to truly love.

The words of Romans 12 help us to focus on what’s needed in a successful relationship. The words are so appropriate. Let love be genuine: be authentic in who you are and be drawn in by the authentic character of your partner. Hate what is evil—reject petty methods, don’t resort to name calling, undermining your partner, belittling the failures, or returning one wrong with another. Love one another with mutual affection: offer care and encouragement, take time out, especially in the busy high holy season, to affirm one another, spend time together, and to revel in each other’s happiness and love. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer: know that there will be tough and trying times in your years of marriage. There will be conflicts that seem intolerable, illnesses that are unbearable, financial ups and downs, conflict with other family members, and quirky habits that drive you nuts!

Do not give up. Do not walk away. Keep your faith focused on love and the hope God promises through God’s Son Jesus Christ. Be patient. Refuse to throw in the towel. And persevere in prayer: stay focused on God, listen for God’s word to you, and trust that things will get better.

Share with one another. This is a journey you have committed to take together. Rejoice when Jeannie rejoices, weep when Rob weeps, be present with each other. Be as intentional with your partner as you are with your parishioners. Listen well and attentively. Expect the best from one another and assume good intentions. Reflect on your own self before engaging in a gift, and always return the focus to God as the source of all things good and the author of humble, self-giving, life-changing, ever-present love. And return to the sage words of this passage as a reminder, a challenge, and a call to continue growing in love.

I hope that at your 50th wedding anniversary you look back at who you were today and see how much you have each grown in agape love—love that forgives the unforgiveable, offers hope for the hopeless, humility to the proud, strength to the weary, and joy to the sorrowful. As you grow in love, I pray that you continue to be changed and transformed by exposing your vulnerability, risking to overcome your fears, and drawing courage and strength from one another’s gifts. I pray that you are overwhelmed by the love of your partner and wrapped in peace and assurance by their love all the days of your life.

Amen.