I’m fairly certain the love chapter is one of the most read and most well-known scriptures in the Bible. My guess is that most of us could recite it, or at least most of it, from memory. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious or boastful. It holds no records of wrongs. It is not arrogant or rude. Love hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things.
Love is a good thing. It’s straightforward and simple and it gives us warm fuzzies. We talk about love and most of us around on board. Yeah. I want to be loved. I want to love people. I got this thing nailed. Often, I think we take love for granted. We’ve heard this passage so many times and countless sermons about love that we don’t believe there’s anything else to hear. Some of us may have already tuned out because we think we already fully understand this chapter so we can go back to our golf lesson, or to-do list, or figuring out who’s here and who’s missing and who’s just sitting in a different spot.
But the reality is that the love described in this chapter is not so easy. Sure it sounds simple. Patience , kindness, humility…blah blah blah. Those are the words we always hear when we talk about love, that’s nothing new. And it’s not new. Not at all. Love began in the beginning of time. When God set things in motion, God loved us. Throughout our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, God has loved us. In our most joyous celebrations and our darkest mourning, God has loved us.
It’s simple really. Too simple, actually. We’ve heard it so often that I think we’ve probably become immune to it. We’ve over-simplified it really. Because when you get down to it, this love that is described is incredibly challenging. Simple, yes. Easy, NO! Think about it—how completely have you loved lately? I’ll be honest, when I inventoried myself I didn’t do so well. Patience, check. Well, sort of. I was short with Beth on the phone. I yelled at the dogs. I couldn’t wait for Maggie to stop talking so I could get back to what I was doing. Patience, um, half check?! I definitely wasn’t patient with myself when I didn’t get all my errands run, or all the boxes unpacked. Patience…umm…quarter check.
Ok, let’s try kindness. The Greek word translates as benevolence or to show one’s self useful or to be kind. Well, I was fairly helpful this week. I think….I helped at VBS, I helped serve, I filled water balloons, yeah, I showed myself as useful. But did I do that completely and fully for everybody? There was that homeless man across the street, and I didn’t do much for him. And I’m not sure I directly neglected others, but was I as kind as I could have been? Kindness….half check.
Ok. On to envy. I think I should be pretty good on this one. I’m not really the jealous type. But I did covet that couch I saw, and the way her kitchen was designed. I did envy that woman whose dog didn’t pull on the leash. Hmm. Guess that’s another half check.
All this time I thought I was pretty good at love. I mean, I love a lot of people and feel loved by them. It seemed so simple. But to truly love. To love wholly and completely, that’s hard work. Really hard work. And who would have thought you had to work at love? There are tons of commands to love people in the Bible—love your neighbor, love God, love yourself, love those who do you harm, love your enemies, love the weak, love the poor, love the hateful, love the murderer, love the unkind. I figured if I’m supposed to love so many people that it had to be feasible. Don’t you think?
I mean, love as it’s portrayed here seems nearly impossible. Sure, I can be patient and kind, humble and giving, sometimes…or maybe even most of the time. But all the time? Unconditionally? Let’s be honest—there are some people who just aren’t loveable. They’re obnoxious. They’re abusive. They’re hateful. They’re vengeful and they’re not my top pick for someone to love. But then there’s the kicker in the love chapter—“Love holds no records of wrongdoing”. What?!!? How is that even possible? Come on. That can’t possibly mean NOoooo wrongdoing, can it? None? Zip? Zero? Zilch? But what about the time….? Nope. And what about when….? Nope. Love holds no records of wrongs. Man, if I thought I fell short on the patience and kindness side of things, I don’t even want to explore my long list of wrongs others have committed. I still remember when Matt Lamimon knocked my feet out from under me in first grade! No record of wrongs. Gimme a break!
But that’s what the scripture says. Love holds no records of wrongs. Love is hard. This is a big task God has placed in front of us. And if we’re not careful it becomes overwhelming, paralyzing even. We edge into thoughts like, “Well, if that’s what love is, there’s no way I can do that, so I might as well not even try.” If that’s where you’re at, I totally understand you. But the love chapter isn’t meant to challenge us into apathy. It’s not supposed to make us quit trying. It’s supposed to help us know that we can always keep growing in love, that we can always love more deeply and more fully. And it’s also there to help us know how profoundly God loves us.
Understanding the depth and breadth of God’s love is difficult. It stretches our imagination. I mean, if I can’t love perfectly and don’t know anyone who can, how could I possibly imagine what God’s perfect love is like? I can get mostly there, but I’m not sure I can stay there very long before my doubts take over.
Nevertheless, I think the best lesson in what true love is came from Eva and Charles Brown. Eva had Alzheimer’s and by the time I met her, she was already in the late stages. She could no longer communicate. She could no longer sit or stand on her own. She had to be hand-fed. She was completely dependent on the care of others. Her husband Charles was by her side faithfully each day. Her battle with Alzheimer’s lasted over 15 years and even at the end, when she was in a care facility, Charles would come to feed her, hold her hand, and be with her. Charles in and of himself was an incredible example of love. He displayed so many characteristics of love that are in this Corinthians passage. But I want us to focus on Eva, not on Charles. Some of you may wonder why we would focus on Eva, after all, she couldn’t speak or walk, or even feed herself, how was she capable of love? It may be challenging to understand, after all, we associate so much of love with doing—the care giving, the hugs, the words of affirmation, the small acts of kindness, the gifts—that’s love. Right?! Wrong. Those are signs of love, ways that we show love. But love at its core is what is described in 1 Corinthians—it is patient, it is kind, it is not envious or boastful, it is not proud or rude, but it endures, it hopes, it believes. And when you were in Eva’s presence, really with her in the moment—you couldn’t help but love.
You see, with Eva, there was no past. She could no longer remember it. She, unlike me, had no record of wrongs—neither her own shortcomings nor those of others. With Eva there was also no future. Firstly, her future wasn’t promised. None of ours is really, but looking at her and knowing her illness, it was obvious that the future was not what was key. With Eva there was only the present—only that moment, right then and there that you were with her and she was with you.
With Eva there was no room for impatience. Sure it could be frustrating not being able to have a conversation, having to feed her and wipe her lips, to do everything she needed to be healthy. But if you could let those expectations go. If you could recognize that she couldn’t, nor ever would be able to do those things again, you could just be in the moment with her. It didn’t require patience, it just required acceptance. Often, impatience stems from unmet expectations. We want a project finished by a certain day and time. We expect certain behavior. We strive for certain accomplishments. And when those things don’t happen, we get impatient. But if we didn’t put all our hope and energy into some future thing, then we could just be present in the moment and there wouldn’t be anything to be impatient about.
Eva taught me a lot about love. She particularly taught me about God’s love. For God’s love does not depend on our accomplishments, our GPA, our salary level, our rank, or our status. God’s love just is. God’s love is present in the moment; it holds no record of wrongs. It is patient, it is kind. It is not envious or boastful. God’s love hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things. Similarly, Eva did not care what I wore, what degrees I had, whether I was overweight or underweight. She did not care if I spoke improperly or with an accent. She was simply present with me, exemplifying all the elements of love when I was with her.
Last week we looked at James and how our actions are a reflection, a manifestation, a fruit of our faith. We saw how we need to spend time investing in others to grow in our relationship with God and with others. We saw how giving of ourselves makes us a better person. And yet, we must always hold that in tension with this lesson about love. Love comes first, independent of who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve done. And our future actions are a result of that love. We do not earn love. We do not achieve love. We just love. We stay present in the moment, clearing away expectations, and allowing for things to happen as they will.
We’re back to love sounding easy right. Yet, somehow I continue to stumble through this scripture, through this lesson. I stumble because as clearly as I saw and understood love through and with Eva, I have a 101 doubts about doing that ceaselessly. I have things to do. I have places to go. I have unjust situations to fight against. No expectations?! Yeah right. I expect people to act right. I expect people to strive to be better. I expect dedication. I expect commitment. And really, could I really spend my life living without a past and without a future—I mean, not caught up in those thoughts? I have to learn from my past. I have to see my errors and my successes and use those to better my future. I have to plan for my future, for retirement, heck, I have to plan my next sermon, the next staff meeting, the next step for our district in congregational growth and development. How could I lay all those things down?!
Maybe I’m going to be stuck with imperfect love forever. Or maybe I can find ways to let those Eva moments pervade in my life. Maybe I can’t live those Christ-like Eva moments every hour of every day, but I can seek to make them more regular in my life. When I spend time with someone, I can be present with them, ignoring the past and the future and simply focusing on the present. I can remember that my impatience stems from unmet expectations and can change my level of expectations. I can cherish each moment for what it is, nothing more, nothing less. And maybe, just maybe, I can edge closer to God’s perfected love.
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