Relationship Building 301--1 Corinthians 13

I’m fairly certain the love chapter is one of the most read and most well-known scriptures in the Bible. My guess is that most of us could recite it, or at least most of it, from memory. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious or boastful. It holds no records of wrongs. It is not arrogant or rude. Love hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things.

Love is a good thing. It’s straightforward and simple and it gives us warm fuzzies. We talk about love and most of us around on board. Yeah. I want to be loved. I want to love people. I got this thing nailed. Often, I think we take love for granted. We’ve heard this passage so many times and countless sermons about love that we don’t believe there’s anything else to hear. Some of us may have already tuned out because we think we already fully understand this chapter so we can go back to our golf lesson, or to-do list, or figuring out who’s here and who’s missing and who’s just sitting in a different spot.

But the reality is that the love described in this chapter is not so easy. Sure it sounds simple. Patience , kindness, humility…blah blah blah. Those are the words we always hear when we talk about love, that’s nothing new. And it’s not new. Not at all. Love began in the beginning of time. When God set things in motion, God loved us. Throughout our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, God has loved us. In our most joyous celebrations and our darkest mourning, God has loved us.

It’s simple really. Too simple, actually. We’ve heard it so often that I think we’ve probably become immune to it. We’ve over-simplified it really. Because when you get down to it, this love that is described is incredibly challenging. Simple, yes. Easy, NO! Think about it—how completely have you loved lately? I’ll be honest, when I inventoried myself I didn’t do so well. Patience, check. Well, sort of. I was short with Beth on the phone. I yelled at the dogs. I couldn’t wait for Maggie to stop talking so I could get back to what I was doing. Patience, um, half check?! I definitely wasn’t patient with myself when I didn’t get all my errands run, or all the boxes unpacked. Patience…umm…quarter check.

Ok, let’s try kindness. The Greek word translates as benevolence or to show one’s self useful or to be kind. Well, I was fairly helpful this week. I think….I helped at VBS, I helped serve, I filled water balloons, yeah, I showed myself as useful. But did I do that completely and fully for everybody? There was that homeless man across the street, and I didn’t do much for him. And I’m not sure I directly neglected others, but was I as kind as I could have been? Kindness….half check.

Ok. On to envy. I think I should be pretty good on this one. I’m not really the jealous type. But I did covet that couch I saw, and the way her kitchen was designed. I did envy that woman whose dog didn’t pull on the leash. Hmm. Guess that’s another half check.

All this time I thought I was pretty good at love. I mean, I love a lot of people and feel loved by them. It seemed so simple. But to truly love. To love wholly and completely, that’s hard work. Really hard work. And who would have thought you had to work at love? There are tons of commands to love people in the Bible—love your neighbor, love God, love yourself, love those who do you harm, love your enemies, love the weak, love the poor, love the hateful, love the murderer, love the unkind. I figured if I’m supposed to love so many people that it had to be feasible. Don’t you think?

I mean, love as it’s portrayed here seems nearly impossible. Sure, I can be patient and kind, humble and giving, sometimes…or maybe even most of the time. But all the time? Unconditionally? Let’s be honest—there are some people who just aren’t loveable. They’re obnoxious. They’re abusive. They’re hateful. They’re vengeful and they’re not my top pick for someone to love. But then there’s the kicker in the love chapter—“Love holds no records of wrongdoing”. What?!!? How is that even possible? Come on. That can’t possibly mean NOoooo wrongdoing, can it? None? Zip? Zero? Zilch? But what about the time….? Nope. And what about when….? Nope. Love holds no records of wrongs. Man, if I thought I fell short on the patience and kindness side of things, I don’t even want to explore my long list of wrongs others have committed. I still remember when Matt Lamimon knocked my feet out from under me in first grade! No record of wrongs. Gimme a break!

But that’s what the scripture says. Love holds no records of wrongs. Love is hard. This is a big task God has placed in front of us. And if we’re not careful it becomes overwhelming, paralyzing even. We edge into thoughts like, “Well, if that’s what love is, there’s no way I can do that, so I might as well not even try.” If that’s where you’re at, I totally understand you. But the love chapter isn’t meant to challenge us into apathy. It’s not supposed to make us quit trying. It’s supposed to help us know that we can always keep growing in love, that we can always love more deeply and more fully. And it’s also there to help us know how profoundly God loves us.

Understanding the depth and breadth of God’s love is difficult. It stretches our imagination. I mean, if I can’t love perfectly and don’t know anyone who can, how could I possibly imagine what God’s perfect love is like? I can get mostly there, but I’m not sure I can stay there very long before my doubts take over.

Nevertheless, I think the best lesson in what true love is came from Eva and Charles Brown. Eva had Alzheimer’s and by the time I met her, she was already in the late stages. She could no longer communicate. She could no longer sit or stand on her own. She had to be hand-fed. She was completely dependent on the care of others. Her husband Charles was by her side faithfully each day. Her battle with Alzheimer’s lasted over 15 years and even at the end, when she was in a care facility, Charles would come to feed her, hold her hand, and be with her. Charles in and of himself was an incredible example of love. He displayed so many characteristics of love that are in this Corinthians passage. But I want us to focus on Eva, not on Charles. Some of you may wonder why we would focus on Eva, after all, she couldn’t speak or walk, or even feed herself, how was she capable of love? It may be challenging to understand, after all, we associate so much of love with doing—the care giving, the hugs, the words of affirmation, the small acts of kindness, the gifts—that’s love. Right?! Wrong. Those are signs of love, ways that we show love. But love at its core is what is described in 1 Corinthians—it is patient, it is kind, it is not envious or boastful, it is not proud or rude, but it endures, it hopes, it believes. And when you were in Eva’s presence, really with her in the moment—you couldn’t help but love.

You see, with Eva, there was no past. She could no longer remember it. She, unlike me, had no record of wrongs—neither her own shortcomings nor those of others. With Eva there was also no future. Firstly, her future wasn’t promised. None of ours is really, but looking at her and knowing her illness, it was obvious that the future was not what was key. With Eva there was only the present—only that moment, right then and there that you were with her and she was with you.

With Eva there was no room for impatience. Sure it could be frustrating not being able to have a conversation, having to feed her and wipe her lips, to do everything she needed to be healthy. But if you could let those expectations go. If you could recognize that she couldn’t, nor ever would be able to do those things again, you could just be in the moment with her. It didn’t require patience, it just required acceptance. Often, impatience stems from unmet expectations. We want a project finished by a certain day and time. We expect certain behavior. We strive for certain accomplishments. And when those things don’t happen, we get impatient. But if we didn’t put all our hope and energy into some future thing, then we could just be present in the moment and there wouldn’t be anything to be impatient about.

Eva taught me a lot about love. She particularly taught me about God’s love. For God’s love does not depend on our accomplishments, our GPA, our salary level, our rank, or our status. God’s love just is. God’s love is present in the moment; it holds no record of wrongs. It is patient, it is kind. It is not envious or boastful. God’s love hopes all things, believes all things, and endures all things. Similarly, Eva did not care what I wore, what degrees I had, whether I was overweight or underweight. She did not care if I spoke improperly or with an accent. She was simply present with me, exemplifying all the elements of love when I was with her.

Last week we looked at James and how our actions are a reflection, a manifestation, a fruit of our faith. We saw how we need to spend time investing in others to grow in our relationship with God and with others. We saw how giving of ourselves makes us a better person. And yet, we must always hold that in tension with this lesson about love. Love comes first, independent of who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve done. And our future actions are a result of that love. We do not earn love. We do not achieve love. We just love. We stay present in the moment, clearing away expectations, and allowing for things to happen as they will.

We’re back to love sounding easy right. Yet, somehow I continue to stumble through this scripture, through this lesson. I stumble because as clearly as I saw and understood love through and with Eva, I have a 101 doubts about doing that ceaselessly. I have things to do. I have places to go. I have unjust situations to fight against. No expectations?! Yeah right. I expect people to act right. I expect people to strive to be better. I expect dedication. I expect commitment. And really, could I really spend my life living without a past and without a future—I mean, not caught up in those thoughts? I have to learn from my past. I have to see my errors and my successes and use those to better my future. I have to plan for my future, for retirement, heck, I have to plan my next sermon, the next staff meeting, the next step for our district in congregational growth and development. How could I lay all those things down?!

Maybe I’m going to be stuck with imperfect love forever. Or maybe I can find ways to let those Eva moments pervade in my life. Maybe I can’t live those Christ-like Eva moments every hour of every day, but I can seek to make them more regular in my life. When I spend time with someone, I can be present with them, ignoring the past and the future and simply focusing on the present. I can remember that my impatience stems from unmet expectations and can change my level of expectations. I can cherish each moment for what it is, nothing more, nothing less. And maybe, just maybe, I can edge closer to God’s perfected love.

Relationship Building 201

This whole month, we are going to be talking about relationships. Last week we started with Ephesians, talking about husbands and wives, as well as our relationship with Christ. Hopefully, for both instances, you saw how relationships should be about mutuality, reciprocity, love, and respect not dominance, subjugation, and inequality. Even the God of all the universe desires to be in a mutual relationship with us.

Today, we are looking at James chapter 2—faith without works is dead. James 2 is one of my favorite passages in scripture. I feel very strongly about doing something with my faith, about sharing God’s love, about living Christ’s example of humble service from the last supper. My conviction is so strong that sometimes it edges into works righteousness—the belief that we earn redemption if we just do enough good. To be quite honest., I’ve had to work hard to accept God’s grace as it comes despite my flaws, and in spite of my lack of action. God loves me, accepts me, and redeems me regardless of who I am or what I’ve done. And, of course, the same is true for you. You do not have to earn God’s love. In fat, you CANNOT earn God’s love—it is a gift of grace—something that can never be earned. It can only be given and received.

Now, despite my love of this passage, or maybe because of it, I heard the passage differently this week. This time as I looked at it again and thought about relationships, I heard not just the encouragement to act on our faith, but I also heard how action leads to deepening our faith—how it strengthens our relationships with Christ and with others. I heard the need to be intentional in our faith walk and relationship building with God.

I regularly look at things in the everyday and see a theological theme and my experience with the show the Bachelorette was no different. This year, I got hooked on the show. Now, in years past I have not had a tinge of interest in either the Bachelor series or the Bachelorette. I’ve avoided the competitive, selfish, forced, and superficial nature of these relationships of this so-called “Reality” tv show. But, somehow, this year was different. This year I watched faithfully as this 26 year old southern belle from Atlanta dated and discerned her way to a life partner. I can’t tell you why exactly I watched DeAnna and her group of bachelors week after week—maybe it was my similarities with her—age, hair color, having lived in Atlanta, hoping to find a bachelor who meets my expectations, or maybe it was the stellar men who lined up at her door—either way, I watched.

I loved the show and would discuss it with friends as they joked that I should be nominated next. And yet, despite my interest, I also had to critique it. The romantic and once-in-a-lifetime dates were incredible, enviable even, but I was always hoping for something more. I wanted a greater test of character, something that added even more depth to their relationships. I began imagining my own dates—a visit to a local homeless shelter to wash feet and feed the hungry, after-school tutoring for elementary kids, building a house for Habitat for Humanity or with UMCOR along the Gulf Coast in Mississippi. I yearned for dates that shape people, that challenge them, and that draw them into being a better person and a better partner.

Having dinner together is great, but I think we learn and grow so much more when we live beyond ourselves, when we invest in others, and when we live the love that God has given.

For me, the need for greater depth of activity and relationships on the Bachelorette parallels our need for greater depth in our actions and in our relationships in our faith walk. I’d parallel going out to dinner on a date with going to church on Sunday. I know, they’re fairly incongruent, but hear me out. Generally, if you’re going to go on a date, going to dinner is a basic, often a given, and an element of relationships that is fundamental and expected. Similarly, if you are a believer—you go o church. It’s the easiest way to identify a disciple—they go to church regularly. Church attendance is basic, fundamental, and generally expected for the Christian faith journey.

Now, let me be clear, I am not criticizing either of these activities. I’ve gone to dinner on my fair share of dates and I obviously believe in going to church! But I also believe in doing more for our relationships. Going to church is a first step. It is fundamental and key to our faith for the way it forms bonds between us and others, how it draws us into worship regularly, how it challenges us to hear and practice God’s word and how it reminds us to be open to receiving God’s blessings. And as great as the blessings are when we gather for worship, there are even greater blessings when we invest in reading together, loving others, giving of ourselves, investing in the lives and well-being of those in need, in sharing of ourselves and our faith story, in praying with one another, in challenging our beliefs, in ridding ourselves of bad habits.

Yes, we can have a good relationship just by going to church, but we have better chances of a great relationship, of really growing in God and with others when we do Christ’s works—when we live our faith.

Let me give you another example, say you grew up, like I did, eating meat and potatoes, chicken, meatloaf, salad, grilled cheese and pancakes, and a variety of fruits and vegetables. You had a good wholesome diet that provided you the nutrients you needed. You had a good menu of foods to eat. But what if your menu could be great?! What if you could sample from the amazing schmorgasborg of food available around the world? Would you enjoy the spice of salsa? Tender lamb with yogurt dill sauce? Mango chutney? The spice of kimchi? The palate cleansing zip of wasabi on your sushi? Not only would you find new flavors, but you would also receive new nutrients and more vitamins and minerals that fuel your body. It’s not that your original diet was wrong, just that there is so much more you could add to it.

In a similar way, your relationship with Christ and with others may be balanced with study, prayer, worship, and mission—a good faith diet. But there is also a schmorgasborg of flavors to try in our faith walk as well—there are hospital visits, covenant groups, meditation time, prayer development, Bible studies to last a life time, and thousands, if not millions, of ways to reach out and serve others.

As we read this passage in James, it’s not just that our works show our faith—that they are a fruit that proves we in fact have faith, but they are the means through which we grow in faith and grow in our relationship with God and with others. Our faith requires action. We need to be involved in active ministry—doing for others in order to receive all the nutrients our soul needs. So as you go forth this day and into the week, I want you to think about how you are nourishing your faith walk and your relationship with Christ. What activities of depth are you doing to foster your relationship? Are you serving others? Spending daily time in prayer? Regular time studying the word? Are you seeking greater depth and not sure where to turn? How are you being challenged in your faith so that you might grow stronger and more faithful?

You have homework this week! And if you want a conversation partner, please just give me a call or make an appointment to see me and we’ll sit and talk about your faith journey and how you might further develop your relationship with God and with others.