The Power of Healing

When we read the scriptures, it is often important to take a look at what stories come before and after the one we are focused on. They can often give us extra insight about the current passage.  That’s true today.  The passage right before this is about Jesus healing a leper.  The man is sick and spiritually/ritually unclean. He would have been a social outcast because of his wounds.  And he approached Jesus and said, “If you choose, you can make me clean.” To which Jesus replies, “I do choose. Be made clean.”  And then Jesus told him not to tell anyone. Jesus was sort of a comedian sometimes.  I mean really, you tell a man who was physically sick…has sores on his body—and is not allowed to have normal social interactions who is now healthy and allowed to be with people to not say anything about what happened.  Come on.  That’s just not fair. People would have noticed. They would have asked him. They would have talked about him with or without information about what really happened. And so word spread. People started talking about Jesus and becoming more and more interested in him.  

And now we come to today’s passage where Jesus was teaching—surrounded by a large crowd of Jewish leaders—not just locals but from all over—(Galilee in the north, Judea in the south, and Jerusalem—the religious center). The whole house was packed—the fact that it was at a house indicates that it probably wasn’t a formal teaching, otherwise they would have been at a synagogue—but there they were and word was out. Jesus was a teacher AND a healer.  Maybe they were asking about the leper and how he healed him. at this point in the Gospel of Luke, there wasn’t a whole lot to be talking about…we have his birth story and the flight to Egypt, we have John the Baptist talking about Jesus and then baptizing him. We have the temptation in the desert and then Jesus calling the first disciples. Those are big events in our minds, but probably wouldn’t have mattered much to the masses at that point in Jesus’ life.  And yet, something drew them to him and had them filling every square inch of that house.  And it seems likely that that something was the story of Jesus healing the leper. 

Then we see these 4 men who brought their friend to meet Jesus.  He’s on his bed and he’s there to be healed. Only they couldn’t push through the crowd. So they did what any reasonable friend would do—they climbed up on the roof—opened it up and plopped him down right in front of Jesus. Make no mistake, these friends wanted their friend to be healed and they were pretty convinced that Jesus was the man for the job. And Jesus apparently saw that in them since the story says, “because of their faith, he healed the man.”  Well, technically, he forgave the man. He said, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.”  

Now, some might ask, “Why did Jesus forgive the man, when what he needed was to be healed?”  The statement sort of indicates there’s a connection between forgiveness and healing. But making that connection can be a bit of a slippery slope since we begin to wonder…does someone always have to be forgiven before they can be healed?  (The answer to which is no…we find that right before this passage in the earlier part of Luke 5 when Jesus heals the leper and there was no mention of forgiveness or sins.) and the other question that arises is “Is the man’s paralyzation a punishment for his sin?”  We don’t have the direct answer for that right here in the scriptures, but we have it lots of other places…Jesus came to heal, to restore, to forgive and to save…not to condemn.  There are no scriptures where Jesus says, “Hey, you’re a sinner, you should suffer.”  Not one.  So let’s not read too much into all of this and go around thinking that sick people are the worst sinners.  I’m sure we all know someone wonderful who has suffered far more than their share, and on the opposite end, I’m sure we also know someone not so wonderful who could afford to suffer a little more.  (at least in our estimation).  

Ok, so back to the task at hand…”Why did Jesus start with forgiveness when what the man needed was healing?”  I think the answer is two-fold.  1) The scripture suggests there is a connection between forgiveness and healing.  Forgiveness isn’t always tied to healing, but apparently, sometimes it is.  And, 2) Jesus seems to be establishing his authority as the Son of Man and proving that he has the authority both to heal (like he did right before this with the leper) and to forgive (as he does in this passage).  He’s showing that God’s power and authority is shared with him for his work here on earth. 

Let’s go back to this man…who has now been offered forgiveness even though he’s confessed nothing and asked for nothing.  And before he can say or do anything, there’s a whole bunch of doubters in the room wondering just how Jesus gets the authority to say anyone is forgiven…he has no right…only God can do that.  (When maybe just minutes before they were asking how he could heal…when only God could do that…)  Whatever the case, the Pharisees aren’t seeing the full picture.  And Jesus can tell they’re grumbling and so he asks the most bizarre question, “which is easier to say, ‘you’re forgiven’ or ‘take up your mat and walk’?” Which is easier to say?  Like in Aramaic?  I don’t know. Is one of them hard to say?!  Is it really about the words?  It’s kind of like Jesus is saying, “come on guys, it’s semantics. I’ve already shown you I can heal. Now I’m showing you I can forgive.”  Do you really want me to say, “you’re healed, now get up and walk?”  Ok.  “You’re healed, get up and walk.”  It doesn’t make a difference in the end since I have the authority to do both. I am the Son of Man and in case you had any doubts about what that means, here’s the beginner’s lesson…it means I can heal AND forgive.  

So, what difference does any of that make for us?  Well, what was true then is also true now.  Jesus is the Son of Man who has the authority of God to both heal and forgive.  Sometimes the healing will be tied to forgiveness and other times it won’t.  Sometimes healing is offered when we ask directly, and sometimes Jesus will bless or heal through the faith and faithfulness of friends.  Sometimes we’ll doubt that he can actually do that…we’ll say it’s not possible, we’ll have too many questions to believe in the miracle. And yet Jesus persists in healing and forgiving, proving it’s not just possible, but it’s also probable.  

Now, I have to say, there are also lots of things I don’t understand and can’t explain about healing. It’s not a perfect science.  I don’t have the magic prayer or petition formula so that each person is healed just like we want when we want it.  I believe healing is possible. I believe that sometimes forgiveness is a necessary first step. I believe God hears us when we pray for our friends—that our faith is taken seriously, even if they’ve weathered so many storms that they can’t or won’t ask for themselves.  And I can’t explain when it doesn’t happen.  For a lot of us, we want to believe in the power of prayer. We want to believe Jesus can and will do these awesome things. And at the same time our hearts have been broken and our faith has been shattered when it seems God didn’t listen to our prayers. When that really amazing person suffered far more than their share even though the whole church was praying…we begin to wonder what God was thinking and what God was doing.  It can be hard to claim faith when we try to do all the right things and still don’t see the results we have asked for.  And I can’t help but wonder if that’s what happened for this man…the paralytic. Maybe he did have faith, maybe he had prayed 1000 times to be healed. Maybe everyone else around him seemed to be getting better and yet he wasn’t. Maybe he’d prayed so long and so hard and didn’t see or hear God answering that he had given up.  Maybe he’d lost hope.  And so when his friends’ faith (which may or may not have been equally strained) heard about this man named Jesus and the way he healed a leper their faith was stirred, and hope was kindled, they went back to their friend to share their hope.  Notice, he didn’t let them put him on their backs or simply carry him, he stayed on his mat and had to be taken, bed and all. Now, maybe that was the most necessary given his condition, or maybe it became necessary because he didn’t have an ounce of faith to even try for fear of being let down again.  

Faith isn’t an easy journey….there are ups and downs and everything in between.  When we go through hardship it can be extra hard to believe God cares or is willing to do anything to help us.  And yet the power of the Gospel keeps coming back…Jesus has the power to heal and forgive…his purpose is to redeem and restore. That’s his job—100%…even when we doubt it. Even when life has knocked us to our knees and we have to rely on the faith of our friends because ours is just too weak. Jesus is a healer, he’s a Savior…and that blessing, those miracles aren’t reserved for a select few…he came for the world…that means all of us.

Now, I certainly can’t guarantee the outcome, I don’t have that power or that authority, but I will say it’s worth asking…for ourselves and for our friends because the one who came to heal and forgive hasn’t given up on his power or authority.  Jesus is still in the business of redeeming and restoring. It’s courageous and risky to ask.  We don’t know how God will answer. And often, it seems, God’s reply is not our specific prayer, but that doesn’t mean God didn’t answer us.  It doesn’t mean God didn’t act.  If you have doubts, I get it; we’ve lived the ups and downs and unknowns in the last few years.  My mom has had a hard road of recovery after a hip replacement and then a fall, and now she’s facing stage 4 cancer…I’ve wondered how efficacious my prayers are.  And in the midst of her seeming lack of healing, I’ve also seen her persevere to walk after months in a wheelchair. I’ve seen her go from the ICU with sepsis to back in rehab. It may seem minor in the face of terminal cancer, but they’re still answered prayers.  And I have to take note and remember those moments as much, if not more, than the unanswered prayers I hold against God.  

The heart of the Gospel is about God’s deep abiding love for us. There will be lots of people and lots of things that try to diminish and defeat that truth in our lives.  But if we return to the scriptures, over and over again we will see God’s power at work—transforming and changing lives, reaching those on the margins, blessing the afflicted.  And, we will see the need to seek after Christ, sometimes for our own healing and forgiveness, and sometimes for our friends (or family) when they’re run down, weary, or feeling hopeless.  We are called to call on Christ. And we are invited to be the bearers of good news, offering hope, telling about this man named Jesus, and bringing the broken and the hurting to Christ in faith, just like the friends did for their paralyzed friend.

Not One of Them

Levi was a traditional name—it was that of the 3rd son of Jacob (later known as Israel) and that tribe of Jacob became the priests—known as the Levites.  They were the ones who performed the priestly duties for all of Israel.  They were the ones who bridged the gap between the people and God.  And that would have been true for all of the men in that family. Since in that time you did what you father did for work and what his father did before him and his father before him.  

So when we hear that this man is named Levi we know a bit about him.  We know he’s a Jew, from the line of Levi, son of Jacob.  His father would have been a priest, and his father before him. And Levi, the tax collector, would have been expected to be a priest too. Yet he’s not. So we know that somehow, some way, something went wrong and derailed him from that course.  We have no idea why or how, but he missed or skipped the priest boat.  And now, instead, he’s a tax collector, which happens to be one of the most despised professions in all of Israel. 

You see, tax collectors didn’t work for Israel or the temple. They worked for Rome. They collected taxes for Cesar. And the Romans were basically occupying Israel. So when you worked for Rome, you were working for the enemy…you were a traitor.  But it got worse.   Because the tax collectors sort of worked on commission…the more they taxed, the more they made. Some inflated taxes so they could line their pockets.  In any case, it wasn’t just that they were traitors for working for Rome, but that they were lying, thieving traitors who stole from their family and friends.  Needless to say, they were not held in great regard. 

Can you imagine the pain and the shame his parents felt?  I mean, not that a son is responsible for all of his parents feelings about his choices—they were his choices and he had the right to make them, but imagine their strain on their relationship.  He’s set to be in one of the most respected fields for all the Jews and instead he becomes a lying, thieving, traitor who works for Rome and steals from his people.  

Can you imagine?  

So, Levi is a let-down, a family failture. He’s rejected. He’s likely shunned. He’s considered a low-life, not just by his family but by pretty much everyone—because they don’t want to be living in a place that’s occupied by Romw and they knew they were paying a good chunk extra on taxes to pad Levi’s pockets—-Let’s just say he wasn’t going to get the good neighbor award anytime soon.  

And then Jesus comes to town and he sees Levi and says, “Follow me!” Now that sounds like a simple instruction but it’s not really about physical following--it’s about becoming a disciple. A better translation might be, “Come imitate me.” And Levi says, “Ok!”  He’s on board and excited.  He’s so excited that he wants to throw a party. Who knows how long Levi had been a tax collector and if he’d come to love it for the money and luxuries or if he hated it because of what he had to do—but what we do know is that once he had the chance to get out—he went.  Forget the money. Forget the perks. And forget being hated by everyone—he was outta there.  “Follow you? Do something different?  Ok!  And, you know…Jesus, maybe you could meet my friends too—because after we started working for Rome, we really couldn’t get out of it—no one wanted to hire us after what we’d done. No one trusted us. They didn’t really care what we’d learned or how we’d grown or even how we’d been changed—they couldn’t get past our reputations and our past.  So, um…if you’re willing to give people a second chance, I know a lot of guys who might be interested.”  Levi had received grace and he wanted to share it. 

That’s the amazing thing about grace…not only do you want more for yourself, but you really want to share it. You want other people to know the goodness that you’ve experienced.  When I was appointed to Wesley UMC in Riverside, the church I served had some homeless guys who hung out on the steps all day and would regularly stay the night.  At first they weren’t really wanted.  No one wanted them around. They didn’t want their problems. Didn’t want their drinking. Just didn’t want to deal with them. 

But they kept hanging out.  Folks really struggled to accept these men. They used drugs. They drank all day. They didn’t work.  One hadn’t paid child support in years.  One had been on the street for 17 years.  They weren’t popular…none of the homeless were.  They were seen as a problem and no one really wanted to have to be the one to deal with it.  

I can imagine they had a similarly strained dynamic with their families as Levi did with his.  To be sure, homeless and on drugs or booze was not what their parents had envisioned for them. I doubt it’s anything near what they had envisioned for themselves. And yet, that’s where they were, that’s who they had become. Rejected. Isolated. Forgotten. Despised.  

And then they began to encounter grace. They were invited to worship. They were invited to have a hot meal. They were offered a hot shower. They were given clean clothes. They were told they had a safe place to sleep.  And we began to form friendships.  We learned their names, Allen and David, and they learned ours.  And then, much like Levi, they invited their friends.  More of the homeless came to this place for grace.  Jimmy, Cuca, Carlos, and little Allen (different from the original Allen).  Then others. And still others.  Each time someone was greeted with warmth and care and got a bit of what they needed in terms of food, or clothes, shelter or care, they talked about it with their friends…and so more came.  

And people objected, just like the Pharisees…why would you waste your time on them? They are a lost cause. And we were reminded again and again that Jesus came to save the lost; and so our work continued.  

Now, it’s not that the homeless are all a lost cause or considered the worst like the tax collectors. But in them and in their stories we can see the rift between them and their families. We can imagine the rejection and isolation they experience day in and day out. And we can imagine the excitement of being noticed, known by name, invited and included just like Jesus did with Levi.  And how receiving that grace could be life changing.  But there are other ways we end up with broken relationships with family: unmet expectations, differing paths, rejection, isolation, and all kinds of challenges. And in that we can see our own need for grace—to be acknowledged, called by name, invited, and included.  And that’s just what Jesus does. It’s who he is. He is the one full of grace who calls us in from the margins, away from being outsiders and into deep meaningful relationship.  

Did you know this isn’t the last we see of Levi?  It’s pretty much the last time we hear him called by this name, but if you’ve read or heard the gospels, you probably know him quite well….do you know who he is?  He’s the disciple Jesus calls Matthew.   Yep.  He went from being a failed priest, to a despised tax collector, to a disciple of Jesus, to one of the disciples who founded the church.  How’s that for full circle?  I guess he was meant to be a godly messenger after all?!  

The power of who Jesus is compels us, it draws us in, because it’s often starkly different from what the world tells us and how the world treats us.  Grace allows us to be defined not by who we were, but who we are as called by Christ—to be who we were meant to be.  The reality is we all fail. We all go off course, somewhere along the way. We disappoint. We struggle with broken relationships.  We stand isolated and hurting. We need grace. And Jesus comes to us, as outsiders among the lost and says “Follow me.”  And we have the choice to follow him….to choose grace and acceptance, love and inclusion.  And we need to be aware that when we do that, when we follow him….it’s not on a stroll down the road, it’s imitating who he is, it’s being transformed by love and then offering transforming love to others. As we become disciples of Christ, imitators of his ways, we begin to notice and find the outsiders, the lost causes and we are to invite them to grace and inclusion in our life.  

It sounds lovely and shiny when it’s preached in a sermon. But really, it’s messy and hard.  It’s hard to find the *right* answer between helping and enabling. It’s hard to find the right answer when people stay stuck in their addiction and we are continuously called to be people of grace. What does grace look like when it’s tied to accountability? They aren’t mutually exclusive.  This week we had a man come asking for help. He’s an outsider. He’s someone who is struggling and is seemingly without family support or a network of friends to hold him up as he journeys a rocky road.  And his struggles have made him rough, and a bit brash.  Quite frankly, it would have been easier to push him out the door and say, “sorry, we can’t help you.” But we are followers of Christ….imitators of his ways, and so we are challenged to include those who seem like lost causes.  We are asked to care for them and hold them even when no one else wants to. And the particulars of what that looks like can be difficult to work out, but we are called to get into the mix of it all and listen for God’s voice and work on working it out.  

The Levis of this world are not popular.  And they aren’t necessarily easy to work with. But they are beloved and favored by God and as imitators of Christ we are called to work with them offering grace and acceptance.  

The Easter Message Matters

Matthew 27:1-5 (TLB)

When it was morning, the chief priests and Jewish leaders met again to discuss how to induce the Roman government to sentence Jesus to death.  Then they sent him in chains to Pilate, the Roman governor.

About that time Judas, who betrayed him, when he saw that Jesus had been condemned to die, changed his mind and deeply regretted what he had done, and brought back the money to the chief priests and other Jewish leaders.

“I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.”

“That’s your problem,” they retorted.

Then he threw the money onto the floor of the Temple and went out and hanged himself.

Judas hit a pretty deep low…he betrayed Jesus…for whatever reason…because he was greedy?  Because he doubted Jesus would do what he said he would? Because he was tempted? Who knows…what we do know is that Judas betrayed Jesus and would forever be known as a traitor of the worst kind.  And after he did it…the reality kicked in. He did the wrong thing and he knew it.  He wanted to take it back, to fix it, to un do what he had done, but at that point, Jesus had been arrested and was condemned to death…what was done was done. There was no changing it.  He couldn’t undo the past and he likely knew he wouldn’t easily be forgiven.  And even if he moved to tim-buk-no-where to form a new life where no one knew him, this remained true: he knew what he had done.  He would have that knowledge for life.  So, he did what he knew to do, he went to repent. He offered the money back. He acknowledged his sin and he tried to make it right. And the high priests told him, “sorry, can’t help you.” 

And the pain and shame of it all was too much for him to bear.  Judas couldn’t take it.  So he threw the money at their feet and he took his own life.  Judas was overcome with guilt, and shame, and darkness.  And the saddest part is he never got to see or hear the end of the story. Judas never heard the good news—his actions, even his sins, didn’t have the final word.  Yes, Jesus died, but he also resurrected.  Even his worst action wasn’t able to overcome God’s action in the world.  Do you ever imagine how things might have been different for Judas if he had waited, if he could have seen that God was greater than the worst that anyone had to offer.  God wasn’t just greater than Judas and his betrayal, but Peter and his denial, Pilate and his complacency, the Sadduccees and Pharisees and their hypocrisy and lies, the people and their mob mentality, the beatings, the mocking, the humiliation…God overcame all of that. 

But Judas never knew. Judas never heard the good news.

Judas is the name we know.  Even if we don’t know the Bible story, we often know the name of Judas and know he wasn’t a good guy.  But apart from the individual man, there are a whole lot of people who are like Judas.  There are a whole lot of sinners—and generally, we, too, stand among them.  Any sinners in the room today?  Ok, so maybe you didn’t betray Jesus…but maybe you have lied, you’ve been greedy, you’ve lusted, you’ve been selfish, you’ve turned away from those in need, you’ve judged others…anyone? 

​            Yeah, confession isn’t much fun, is it?  It’s always easier to look at someone else’s sin than to look at our own, so let’s talk about someone else for another minute.

How many of you follow basketball? And how many of you heard about what happened with D'angelo Russell & Nick Young?  Well, in case you didn't, both men play for the Lakers. D'angelo is an up & coming player and he's young.  And, he decided it’d be a good idea to video a conversation with Nick Young about Nick’s scandals and secrets and "somehow" the video got out.  It's been all over the news and if you've been watching you know things are not good for Russell...his teammates don't want to play with him, they don't want to share the locker room, they don't want to pass him the ball...by some accounts his disloyalty, immaturity, and lack of integrity indicate he should just turn in his jersey because there is no redeeming his situation--ever.

Now you might consider it a stretch because Young isn't the Messiah, but the weight of Russell's situation and Judas' are not far off. They were both part of a tight knit team, they both broke the rules of acceptability for their own personal gain, they did something they couldn't undo, others told them they are stuck to live with their consequences, and by most accounts they should just throw in the towel. Now Russell hasn’t hit the darkness like Judas did, at least not in a way that’s been reported. But I’m sure this week has been pretty rough.  

Now the danger doesn't just lie for the D'angelo Russells or the Judases of the world.  The danger lurks for each of us because the threat of darkness comes not just when we sin but when life happens--when it turns us on our heads. ..when we get the dreaded diagnosis, when we can't eek out any more love in our marriage, when we come to loathe our work,  when our kids break our hearts, when we fall into old bad habits, when we can't pay the rent,  when there's not enough money for the month,  when the abusers and manipulators in our lives keep getting their way. ..all kinds of circumstances can threaten to overtake us.  They tell us it'll never get better.  They tell us there's no hope. There's no redemption.  There's no chance.  Why bother? Just throw in the towel.  Give up!

That's what THEY say. But that’s the verdict before the cross.  But here's the thing. ..none of those things get the final word. ..you know who does? Jesus! Because he lived and died and rose again. Jesus faced the worst. He lived through all the horrible rotten things that happen in this world and he came out on the other side victorious. And he did all that, not for his own sake, but for ours. So that when we face all the horrible awful things life has to offer—by our hand or by someone else’s—we can still find hope and redemption. 

That's the power of the Gospel. ..that's why we need the Easter story...because life and struggles and sins all threaten to do us in but God interrupts,  God intervenes and says "I have the last word and the last word is life!  It's victory!  It's hope!"

Let’s listen to Romans 5 again.

Romans 5:6-11 (TLB)
 When we were utterly helpless, with no way of escape, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners who had no use for him.  Even if we were good, we really wouldn’t expect anyone to die for us, though, of course, that might be barely possible. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since by his blood he did all this for us as sinners, how much more will he do for us now that he has declared us not guilty? Now he will save us from all of God’s wrath to come.  And since, when we were his enemies, we were brought back to God by the death of his Son, what blessings he must have for us now that we are his friends and he is living within us!
Now we rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done in dying for our sins—making us friends of God.

Do you hear it?  The truth?  The promise?  The hope? While we were still sinners…still stuck in OUR ways, not doing it God’s way, Christ died for us. While we were still getting it wrong, not even close to getting it right, Christ died for us. Most people would question whether or not they were willing to die for a good person…a faithful person, a righteous person who has helped them, but Jesus went and died for all the fools, the folks who jumped ship, the folks who beat him and hurt him unjustly. He died for the ones who betrayed him. And he died for all of us. And since he did that for us when we didn’t even deserve it and through him we are absolved of our sin. We get a new beginning. We get a second chance.  We get forgiveness and grace and mercy.  AND we get even greater blessings.  And those blessings can blow our minds, because they come to us not as Christ’s enemies, but as his friends.  If he was willing to die for us while we were acting like enemies, imagine how much more he would do for us as his friends.  

I don't know D'Angelo, or any Laker for that matter, but I wish I could talk to him and tell him, "This may have been a stupid thing, a foolish thing to do, but it doesn't have to define you forever.  It doesn't have to have the final word.  Because of Christ and his victory over sin and death, HE gets the final word.  He calls us forgiven, redeemed and worthy.  Sure, the world will try and hold onto this. The people around you will call you names and tell you a different story, but you don't have to let them define you. You can choose to claim your identity in Christ instead.   

And the reality is, we all have that chance, we all have the opportunity to push back on the labels and stigmas of the world and instead say we are defined by something and someone much greater.  We are defined by the Risen Christ. And that is news worth sharing.

 Amen.

Framily--week 1 marriage

How many of you have ever had a Lily and Griffith kind of moment?  Maybe out to dinner, maybe for a special celebration, or maybe while cooking dinner, or settling into bed, or driving to see family….one that reveals your hurts and resentments and struggles all at once?  Their exchange makes us laugh a little because there’s  truth in it that resonates for each of us.  The specifics of their story may be their own, but really, each couple has similar struggles. 

As I read through the scriptures for the story of a couple, there were a number of possibilities…though no one really had a flawless moment of love, acceptance, and forgiveness to point to. Even the couples in the Bible struggled and had messiness in their lives. Being among God’s people didn’t protect them from that.  And one of the couple’s with the richest story is Sarah and Abraham. And I read through Genesis marking their story and those two faced a lot together.  And we couldn’t narrow it down to just one moment, or just one story to highlight…it would have been unfair to them.  The richness of who they are is highlighted in their ups and downs.  They start out with a lot of years behind them before they even come together as a couple, then Abraham is called to be God’s leader and Sarah to give birth to the generations that will outnumber the sand on the beach…a notion she laughs at.  They struggle and struggle to get pregnant and finally recruit Hagar to have a son for Abraham, a decision that Sarah later regrets.  –She and Abraham went to Gerar where she played coy— and Abraham pretended Sarah was his sister, which only got them in more trouble down the line.  They continued to try for a baby of their own and finally Sarah got pregnant and then she kicked Hagar and Ishmael out.  And then there was the time Abraham felt called to sacrifice Isaac and took him up on the hill in obedience to God, only to have his son question what exactly was taking place up there.  And it wasn’t long after that Sarah passed away. 

                This couple went through it—the ups, the downs, a few more downs—they were stretched in their commitment to each other and to God.  And they aren’t the only couple like that—not in the Bible or in the modern day.  I think most of us would like to think that if we are called by God, and faithful to God we will be exempt from facing trials, but that’s simply not the case.  We all face challenges. 

                So what is our hope?  Why do we even bother to get married?  Well, I think the hope is that the love we share will continue to make us better as individuals and as a couple and that we’ll find peace and joy and comfort in our relationship.  And it can be easy for that to fall apart…that’s why marriage takes constant investment…you have to talk about how you’re feeling when all you’d really like to do is slam doors or drive away. You have to be forgiving when forgiveness isn’t deserved. You have to show love even when you don’t feel loved.  You have to laugh at the trivial stuff that gets your goat.  You have to remember that you too are wonderful and loveable and incredibly flawed.  Sticking with it requires a lot.  Divorce is a testament to how hard it is—life together isn’t successful on a whim. And when you risk the greatest vulnerability and openness, you’re likely to get hurt—by a breach of trust, by infidelity, by a betrayal, by trauma, by unmet expectations.  And sometimes those hurts become insurmountable.

                I don’t say that to be a nay-sayer about marriage—I believe in it. I stick with and work on mine because it’s worth it.  But I also want us to be honest, it’s hard.  They tell you that when you’re young and engaged…”Marriage is hard” but nothing really tells you how hard it is until you walk the journey together and you face financial struggles, or a major illness, or the loss of a parent, or struggle with infertility, or lose a job, or move away from family—“hard” doesn’t even begin to describe those realities.  And if you are married or have been married or live in a committed partnered relationship, I’m not telling you anything you don’t know…I just want us to be honest about it all.  Because if we pretend it’s all roses and chocolates and cuddling on the couch, then we set ourselves and those who look to us as an example up for failure. 

                We’d like the world to think we’ve got it all together, and really, we shouldn’t be airing our dirty laundry out for everyone to see, that violates trust and often creates some irreparable harm, but we do need to be able to own our imperfections.  So, we’re going to do a little exercise together.  It’s easy to look at another couple and think they’ve got it made, or they haven’t struggled like you have, but there’s a whole lot that lies below the surface that we don’t all talk about on a daily basis. 

                For our exercise, I’ll ask that if you are married or partnered and you’re able that you stand up. And I’m going to share some situations and if it’s true for you and your significant other, you should sit down.  And once you sit, if there’s another that’s true, if you raise your hand so that we can visually bear witness to what we face as couples.  Now, these things relate to what we fight about…some of us call it fighting. Some of us call it quarrelling, or a discussion, or an argument, or a disagreement, or a squabble, or yelling…whatever we call it, it’s the thing you do when there’s tension and dissent.  Now, stand up, and when I say something you’ve “fought” about, I want you to sit back down.

·         How to load dishes into the dishwasher

·         Which way the TP goes on the roll

·         Putting the toilet seat down

·         Dirty clothes that don’t make it to the hamper

·         How fast or slowly you drive

·         Where to spend the holidays

·         Whose turn it is to take out the trash

·         The temperature for the thermostat

·         Who will get up with the baby in the middle of the night

·         How much money you spend

·         How much time you’ll spend with your inlaws

·         How you parent

·         How much you work

·         Who is more stubborn

·         What show to watch

·         What car to buy

·         What amount of debt is reasonable

·         How you communicate your wants or needs

The point is, none of us is immune. None of us, as couples walk through our relationship without struggle.  Being a couple is hard.  It’s hard for Lily and Griffith, for Sarah and Abraham, and it’s hard for us.  We’re two different people trying to come together and make life work. We fight over big things and over little things—almost to the level of ridiculous sometimes. 

Rick said I could share a personal story of ours, so I’ll give a simple example…but one that shows just how easy it is to get into it—and how ridiculous we can be.  One Saturday morning about a month ago, I wanted to get a bunch of things done and so I asked if he would help with just 2 of them…moving the couch, and pulling out the big oriental rug in the living room and he said sure.  And as I worked on other things, he started to wash the cars and had the hose on, so I went to turn it off, and he barked at me. So I walked away and left him to wash the car on his own.  I walked back in ticked off, and decided I didn’t need his help after all….so 6 months pregnant I started moving furniture and vacuuming so I could pull out the oriental rug.  I knew it was ridiculous as I struggled to get around, but I was determined to show him.  At one point I went back out and he said he was ready for the water to be off, I told him to handle it himself and walked back in.  (We practice the utmost maturity in our house!)

Not long after, he finished with the cars and came in to see that I had moved all the furniture on my own.  He shook his head and started to help with the oriental rug.  It’s a huge heavy rug that’s really impossible to move on your own…it easily weighs 100+ pounds and there’s no way I could have managed on my own, but Lord knows I would have tried.  We managed to work together to put the room back together and each asked forgiveness a couple of times over.  It’s nothing big, especially in retrospect, but without humility and a bit of laughter those moments can build on larger hurts and resentments. 

But our covenant to love one another, to forgive and be gracious keeps us striving for better communication, for a deeper affection, and for laughter through it all.  Hopefully for each couple, it’s worth the effort, because we are better with our partner, because we find laughter and joy when we are together. Because they bring us peace.  Because despite all the fights, they still love us and we still love them and we find ways to make it work. Because we don’t want to do life without the other. Because they’ve seen us at our worst and choose to stick with us anyway. Because in being open and vulnerable we are shaped and transformed by the power of love to become better in who we are.  So we stick with it. 

There may not be any perfect relationships, in this room, or in the Bible, but there are certainly ways to be better in our relationship—and that’s when we follow godly wisdom and advice.  When we live the words of Romans 12 or 1 Corinthians 13, we become closer as a couple. Listen again to Paul’s words to the Romans:

⁹ Be sincere in your love for others. Hate everything that is evil and hold tight to everything that is good. ¹⁰ Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself. ¹¹ Never give up. Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord. ¹² Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying.